Bridezilla and The Tacky Monster

On Sunday I went to a “Bridal Fair” with my engaged friend Cheri.

Well. Well, well.

I’d never been to one of these things before in my life. It’s hard to describe. Now that it’s almost March, if you’re getting nostalgic for the display of crass consumerism and greedy mobs of high-fructose corn syrup-addled Americans that’s usually at its best only at a Wal-Mart at Christmastide, don’t despair! Just visit a bridal expo in your area, and that magical feeling will come back to you in a rush!

I’d wanted to get some good pics of the PGH Bridezillas and their Sea Hag moms, but I was too distracted by the vendor displays. Below are some of the wares that you missed. (Remember, if you don’t buy this stuff, you must not really love your spouse-to-be!)

1. Cheap showgirl dresses. These dresses are SO cheap-looking, New Castle High School girls wouldn’t even wear these to the prom!
2. A romantic ice sculpture that declares your love AND displays your cheap hooch.
3. Whoretastic polyester lingerie, lucite shoes, and panties that say “Bride.” Even better if you have a “girls night out” and make all your bridal attendants buy some of this shit too! Fun!

Oh well, it was entertaining in an anthropology field study kind of way. And it got me back in touch with two important truisms in my life:

1. I hate weddings.

2. I hate women.

(Don’t worry men, I hate you too! Just…differently.)

One Response to “Bridezilla and The Tacky Monster”

  1. Loup Says:

    Oh how did you cope? It looks awful.

    I hate weddings too. Just think of all of the cool gadgets you can buy with the money that is wasted on the “expression of love”.

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