Fangirl Failings

Ok, I give up. Take my “Breathless Clive Owen Fangirl” membership card and cut it up, I don’t deserve it.

For the second time in a month, I have failed in my duty to support Dear Clive at the box-office. First, I didn’t go to see Shoot Em Up because it just..didn’t really look like my kinda thing… and now. And now, I didn’t go to see The Golden Age. *sigh* I really suck.

Thing is, I had every intention of seeing Golden Age. I was very excited when I saw how hot the Clivester looked in his 16th century garb in the trailer. But then…I dunno…I started remembering how I didn’t really like the first Elizabeth movie, how offensively inaccurate it was, how this sequel looked like more of the same, how the trailer just looked like a collection of hammy, melodramatic set-pieces strung together…and then the bad reviews started pouring in confirming my suspicions…and I just couldn’t do it. Hot Clive wasn’t enough.

Why is that? Is it me, or is it Clive? Both, probably. But meditating upon this issue, I think I’ve uncovered a truthful dichotomy: there are Movie Stars, and there are Real-Lifers. Clive is a Real-Lifer. Let me explain…

No argument that in photos, Clive is The Hotness. In televised and print interviews, he comes across as the nicest, most decent, coolest guy that you could ever care to meet. You could see yourself bumping into Clive somewhere in London and going for a pint. If I could sit in front of the telly eating take-away curry from a box with Clive, I’d count myself among the luckiest people on earth. He’s someone you’d want in Real Life. But blown up to 40ft. wide on the screen, Clive just doesn’t bring it. He just doesn’t have that “It” for me, that magnetism that will compel my ass into that movie-theater seat, sometimes even against my better judgment. But in Real Life? Hell yah…sign me up.

Then there’s somebody like Russell Crowe. Guaranteed I will have ponied up my $8.50 and will be in a seat on opening weekend when Rusty has a new movie out. Guaranteed. He’s got the mojo…the Movie Star power. I can’t explain it, it is a power that defies reason, but it exists.  I may sit there wondering, “WHY?”, and on paper Clive is much better, but all those facts fall before the Movie Star power. But in Real Life?? Russell?! OMG, NO! Never. Keep that asshole away from me. Wouldn’t touch it. But up there…on the screen….ahhhhhh…different story.

So there’s the dichotomy. A unknowable truth of the Universe that, unfortunately, Clive Owen is an innocent victim of. My deepest apologies, Clive…you deserve better, but what can I do against the laws of the Universe? I would still love to go for that curry, though.

One Response to “Fangirl Failings”

  1. kta Says:

    That is a fine lookin’ man right there! :-)

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