Pitching the Plantagenets

It’s time we play my favorite game: FANTASY CASTING COUCH!

That’s the game where I think up the PERFECT, PERFECT casts for movies either really in production or else ideas for movies that I just dream up. Really, these things just pop into my head while I’m doing dishes, I have no idea why. Anyway, the end result is the same: Absolutely NO ONE in H’wood hears my genius ideas, and potentially some of the Best Movies Ever are not being made. :( It’s enough to make me weep sometimes.

Anyhoo, here’s the latest. BW and I were discussing the upcoming Russell Crowe project Nottingham, and we both agreed that Helen Mirren was BORN to play Eleanor of Acquitaine in it. Which instantly lead me to have a genius idea for a remake of The Lion in Winter!! Tell me this would not be the Best Movie Ever:

What do you think, sirs? Brilliant?? Yes!

Now I’m assuming my audience is familiar with the original LIW here. If not, I don’t want you reading my blog! But here’s a quick primer so you can see the genius of this:

Eleanor of Acquitaine, sexy older brilliant ruthless powerhouse diva queen married to the much-younger sexy manly ruthless charismatic warrior King Henry 2. Henry has locked Eleanor away for trying to wrest the crown away from him in favor their son Richard the Lionheart, a warrior and closeted gay having a dalliance with the haughty and devious King Phillip of France. Henry wants to give the crown to his favorite son Prince John, the dumb one, meanwhile middle son Prince Geoffrey Plantagenet, the wicked scheming one, plots to screw them ALL over!

SEE? I love it! I actually think this would be an improvement over the original. With all due respect, I never really bought Peter O’Toole as a doughty sword-swinger. Hepburn was fabulous, but not sexy enough. Am I a perv for thinking that the sexual tension scenes between Helen and Russ would be soo hawt? Probably. But they would. And I know you freaks out there would enjoy watching Jakey make out with Jude. :)
Now will somebody PLEASE get me Helen Mirren’s phone number??

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