It Bears Repeating

Saw this up on Gutterboy’s site and if he doesn’t mind my blatant plagarism, I’m going to post it too. Because it is GOSPEL. It should be blared from rooftops. I’d like to print it out and go ’round tacking it up on the doors of any place with a liquor license, like some sort of Cocktail-Drinking Martin Luther.

Please, PLEASE, for the sake of your fellow man. For history. For the preservation of our culture. For my sanity. For the love of William Powell. For all that is decent and holy, READ THIS AND OBEY!

Excerpted from “Ten Myths You’ve Probably Heard in Bars.”

3. Any drink served in a cocktail glass is a martini.

A Martini is a drink made with gin or vodka, vermouth, and olives or a lemon twist. That’s it.

A Martini does not involve:

  • apple schnapps
  • raspberry liqueur
  • lemongrass-infused ginger vodka
  • fresh lime juice
  • grenadine

A Martini is not:

  • “shaken to perfection”
  • served with a graham-cracker rim

There is no cream in a Martini. A Martini does not have jalapeños in it. There is also no such thing as a “chocolate martini”.

A Martini is a drink made with gin or vodka, vermouth, and olives or a lemon twist. That’s it.

Although the name of the glass we serve Martinis in has slowly been bastardized into martini glass, its true name is the cocktail glass, and anything served in it is a form of cocktail. Even the, uh, Martini.

So the next time you’re in a bar and they offer you their “Martini Menu” full of wonderful syrupy-sweet concoctions with names like the Sour Apple Martini, the Espresso Martini and the ubiquitous Pomegranate Martini, smile quietly and remember that you know better.


Another wonderful thing this guy had to say was:

“Sadly, gin often gets a bad rap from neophytes who only drink vodka.”

Indeed. Try some gin, it won’t kill you. And you’ll stop looking like a goddamn sorority girlie, ordering everything pussed-out with Vodka in it. Kick it old(1930′s)school…drink a real drink…drink gin.

This has been a public service announcement from the Union for the Preservation of Real Cocktail Culture.

One Response to “It Bears Repeating”

  1. hapnor Says:

    For gin, in cruel
    Sober truth,
    Supplies the fuel
    For flaming youth.

Leave a Reply