Is there a homicidal maniac in the house?

Because I’d like somebody to kill me.

We are having such a craptacular week here. BW has had a bunch of nights straight of class and/or having to do hard homework, last night he spent 4 hours off getting the car inspected/repaired, and tonight when we could be relaxing, we have to go out, which is the last thing I want to do now. I would just like 10 uniterrupted minutes to talk with my husband, I’d like that much better than dinner and a show at this point.

Oh but wait, it gets better. Saturday gets to be ruined too! I knew about this, but it’s gotten worse. The plan was for my father-in-law to come down here with his Big Ol Pickup Truck, use it to buy some stuff at Lowes, then help BW work on the garage. I could deal with that, because my FiL has the ability to do things in an early and punctual fashion.

[insert movie trailer narrator guy's voice]

But NOW….

[/movie trailer guy voice]

my mother-in-law is coming TOOO!! Oh sweet merciful Elvis! Don’t get me wrong, I like my MiL very much. But there is NO NEED for her to come, and the way she drags her ass means they won’t get here until lunchtime. And you know why she’s coming? That’s the funny/please-kill-me-now part!

See, where I come from, *spit* all the natives think that driving from there to Pittsburgh is like Death Race 2000. Seriously, it’s a one-hour trip and they all treat it like it’s running some death-gauntlet from Mad Max. I swear they expect land mines in the road and guys with big-ass rotating blades and machine guns that pop out of their rims to drive up and attack them, the way people act! My MiL deeply proscribes to this mindset. “You’re going to Pittsburgh?! Dios mio!” So you see, since when you drive from New Castle to Pittsburgh you are veritiably taking your life into your hands, my MiL feels she HAS to come because her nagging/backseat driving is the only thing standing between my FiL and CERTAIN DEATH!!!

You think I’m kidding, but I’m not.

So I gotta find a way to keep her entertained, the guys won’t get to start any meaningful work untill probably after 1:00, and then she’ll make him leave at 5 or 6 because that death-gauntlet drive is 100times WORSE in the DARK, don’tcha know.

I reiterate, can someone kill me quickly and painlessly? Cause otherwise I’ll probably have to do it myself with a powertool, and that’d be awfully sloppy.

2 Responses to “Is there a homicidal maniac in the house?”

  1. LOUP Says:


    Can you just sneak out of the house before she gets there .. or fake a cough … wouldn’t want her to get sick. = )

  2. whistler Says:

    Start yawning and say that you’re tired.. That always works! :)

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