Conspiracies on a Plane!

Interesting that we have so many air travel nightmares happening the week leading up to SNAKES ON A PLANE! No that actually isn’t my conspiracy theory, but rest assured that I do have a few, plus some random gripes.

First of all, kudos to British intelligence for unearthing the liquid explosive plot. If there really was one. Call it burnout, call it terrorism fatigue, but I never truly believe it when we get these reports of Terrorism Disasters that were Narrowly Averted by our Hard-Working Governments. They never show us the proof. They never tell us the hard facts, or give us the evidence. Of course they say they can’t, because it would reveal too much about their operations. But until they can and do, I reserve the right to disbelieve. What do I really think is going on? I think they just periodically make these incidents up to keep us all afraid. Just round up some likely-looking Muslims, shut down an airport or two, and tell the press that we’ve escaped a crisis by the skin of our teeth, so that we will all go on supporting foreign wars and thinking how good it is that we have Homeland Security.

That’s my general sort of Unified Conspiracy Theory of airline terrorism. My specific theory to this incident is this: I’ll wager that within 6 months, airlines will begin charging for the drinks they serve on board. Sure, we all accept the free proffered beverages on flights, but we all used to also have the option of bringing our own liquid sustenance. BUT NO MORE. Now that you will not be able to get drinks any other way but from the stewardess, they will make you PAY for them! The airlines have a captive audience for beverages now, you think they won’t abuse that?! Of course, they will attribute the change to rising fuel costs or some other bollocks….but you’ll know the real reason, and you read it here first. This entire incident was cooked up just to wrest our drinks from our hands, I know it. Get ready to shell out $3.50 for that half-can of Diet Coke.

Finally, I just wanna gripe that I feel SO BAD for that poor woman who was restrained and arrested on board that flight from London to D.C. on Wednesday. She was “claustrophobic” and “confrontational”. OMFG, there but for the grace of Elvis go I. Jesus Christ, we have a 59 year-old woman who probably just had to go through the wringer of hours of UK airport security, then a 7 hour trans-Atlantic flight where no one is allowed to carry their comforting personal items, and maybe she wasn’t very comfortable flying in the first place, who the hell wouldn’t be claustrophobic and confrontational at that point?! And for that she gets the full Terrorist Treatment, fighter escort, forced landing, third degree, whathaveyou. It staggers the mind. Now if you ever hear of me or Hapnor being dragged off to Guatanamo in chains, you’ll know why. Guilty of the federal offense of Being Uncomfortable While Flying.

Jesus! Sometimes the WHOLE WORLD needs to be bitch-slapped by Samuel L. Jackson.

One Response to “Conspiracies on a Plane!”

  1. LOUP Says:

    This is why I don’t fly. I haven’t flown since 91.

    When I am ready to flee this E-forsaken land I will buy a one way ticket to my destination and die as a happy expat!!

    I love the graphic … hysterical.

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