Roethlisberger Round-Up

Our LIVE! TEAM! COVERAGE! continues with a quick snatch-n-grab of the latest goings-on in the continuing drama of FratBoy Douche! (Thanks for the new nickname, GB.)

– A few of the stupidest stories I’ve seen lately:

  • WTAE did an earth-shatttering expose on just how #7′s motorcycle got it’s weird Japanese name. (Hint: Because it’s from Japan!)
  • KDKA stuns with the revelation that…there have been accidents at that intersection before!!
  • And dammit, I can’t get the video for this to work, but WPXI sent their “investigative reporter” to investigate by hopping into a car with a cameraman and driving Big Ben’s crash route! In my head I hear Kevin Costner intoning, “Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left.”
  • Oh, and the Trib implies that jocks are all too stupid to be trusted with motorcycles. Can’t argue with that.
  • –Battle of the Network Graphics. For those of you who can’t see PGH tv, here’s what you’re missing:
    fratboy news

    – And of course, the only bit of news amongst all this “news” is FratBoy Douche Fucktard was driving WITHOUT a motorcycle license! Bwahahahaaaaaa! All the PGH news outlets have variations of the story, but I liked this from WTAE:

    “Because Roethlisberger never completed testing for his motorcycle license, new questions are surfacing about whether the law required him to wear a helmet.”

    Uh, no. There are no “questions” to surface. I mean, driving anything without a license is obvious, so we’ll sidestep that. Even if F.B.D. had had a valid cycle learner’s permit, it is a cut and dried fact that it is illegal in PA to drive a motorcycle helmetless until you are licensed. Even then you have to wear one for 2 years unless you complete a motorcycle-safety course run by the state (just like BW did last year!) Don’t mess with me, Roethlisberger, I know my motorcycle safety laws! I can’t wait to see how the authorities will sweep this under the rug because of who he is, or else let him off with a slap on the wrist like making him give safety lectures to kindergarteners. That this dickmunch was allowed to ride the streets at all is an insult to good cyclists everywhere.

    4 Responses to “Roethlisberger Round-Up”

    1. kta Says:

      Your continuing coverage and updates have been great! lol I love it!!! :-D

    2. hapnor Says:

      update!!! FratBoy Douche was escorted from a backdoor entrance of the hospital in the middle of the night. DAMMIT, I wanted loss of life, loss of limbs, or atleast loss of cognitive function, I wanted that fratboy douche vegified and drooling, all we got was some lost teeth. Next time, Ben, next time. you’d better watch out for the metallic gray Subaru…

    3. Gutterboy Says:

      Taken directly from the Pgh Trib website:

      “TOP STORIES
      Photo
      Ben’s eating soft diet”

      Now that’s a TOP STORY! Further down the page:

      “Steelers star Ben Roethlisberger pulled the ultimate quarterback sneak late last night, slipping out of Mercy Hospital without being noticed.”

      There’s just something about sports figures in the news that makes reporter reach for even the most inappropriate metaphors. If he’d robbed a bank, there would’ve been some reference to “handing off.” If he’d gone to Sudan to participate in hunger relief (yeah, right), it would’ve been “going deep into the Third World’s end zone.”

      Please keep us updated on every breaking moment in this vital story. No one disaster is comparable to another, of course, but at least now Pgh knows what it was like for New Orleans during Katrina and NY during 9/11. Except this is probably worse, because it was BIG BEN.

    4. kta Says:

      lol Gutterboy….you guys are cracking me the hell up! This is great! ;-)

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