Football Player Injured, World Ceases Spinning!

I was gonna post about this even before the ever-watchful newshound Gutterboy jumped on it, but…

Pittsburgh’s own drunken frat-boy star quarterback Ben “Cock Sucker” Roethlisberger was in an ACCIDENT today!!! He was riding his ugly crotch-rocket downtown and was struck by one of PGH’s legion of little old lady bad drivers. I assume a mob has already formed at the old lady’s house and burned her at the stake, but that news hasn’t been posted yet. Anyway, the injuries were serious, but not life-threatening, alas.

Coverage of this in town has been amusing, to say the least. The local media are giving the story about the same treatment as they would a presidential assassination. Updates at 3-minute intervals, even a scroll bar on the bottom of the screen! Plenty of “Yinzer on the Street” reaction, too. At least for every ten “god bless our Big Ben” zombies, there was one person who took #7 to task for not wearing a helmet. A-bloody-men! This is a motorcylcing household and I’m the wife of a motorcyclist, but I don’t feel any pity for the man. No helmet, No sympathy. Next time Roethlisberger, dress for the crash, not the ride!

If there are any worthy developments or funny local news anecdotes, I’ll post them here.
Next up: Jerome Bettis arrives on the scene and uses his magical powers to heal Big Ben!!

2 Responses to “Football Player Injured, World Ceases Spinning!”

  1. Gutterboy Says:

    The QB Assassin was a 62-year-old woman named Martha, from some place called Squirrel Hill.

    I pray she has the gumption to tell the media, “That damn fool just rode out in front of me without a helmet. And I don’t give a damn about the ‘season,’ I just want to know who’s going to pay for my car.”

    Those pics you posted were hilarious. They could be in the Urban Dictionary next to the word FRATBOY DOUCHE.

  2. kta Says:

    I was awaiting a post from you on this story! lol A friend of mine is a hardcore Steelers fan and man, she’s devistated! The news of the accident didn’t bother me one bit…anyone driving in PGH is taking their life into their own hands, that’s been my experience anyway! ;-) So, I feel so bad that you had to endure 3 minute updates….lol that’s a bit much, isn’t it? :-D

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