Rutsville, USA

What is it about January that makes people miserable? I’ve never had a happy January in my life, and to make matters worse, the month just drags and DRAGS and never seems to end. I hate January.

Lately I’ve been feeling in a huge rut. Wondering about decisions made 10 or 15 years ago and whether they were the right ones, and feeling bitter. Lotta ‘couldas’ and ‘shouldas’ running through my head. But then, would the trade-offs have been worth it? If I had made different decisions in the past, I think my ‘professional’ life would be so much better. But I probably wouldn’t have the happy personal life that I do now. And obviously that’s more important.

I’ve just been disgusted with my boring, stupid job lately, and have realized that I’m probably stuck in it forever. (Or, for as least as long as I continue living in PGH.) Where else would I be able to work part-time AND from-home? So even though it’s boring and stupid, I’ll never leave it because I refuse to go back to the 40 hour a week, office-based, Soul-Death that is a ‘normal’ job. Furthermore, I don’t have the training to do the sort of work I’d really like, and even though I can get free classes next year because of BW’s job, they don’t teach those things here. :( Which leads back to the 15-year old regrets. Feh.

So you see, it’s just a big old cyclical mind-fuck. And I blame January.

Sorry for the downer. For once I thought I’d share some thoughts instead of just all “Oooh, lookit Sean Bean!” all the time. We now return you to your regularly scheduled “Oooh, lookit Sean Bean!”

6 Responses to “Rutsville, USA”

  1. Haley Says:

    dooode, not sounding like ‘pollyanna,’ (not my style) but you have the world at the balls….so what if BW’s job benefits don’t help ya. It is very clear that you are an articulate and intelligent young woman and if there is something you want, you’ll get it. 10-15 years ago, you were too naive and too young to decide what you wanted to be when you get at a reasonable age. Do what YOU want Sugar, its all about YOU!!!
    :D :D :D :D

    *okay now I am switching back to my doom and gloom, self depricating self*

  2. LOUP Says:

    I have been questioning my decision to go back to work lately. I soon realized all office jobs are shite! Too much paperwork, red tape and P.C. nonsense.

  3. kta Says:

    January does suck, I couldn’t agree more! It doesn’t have any more days than most of the other months so what makes it drag like it does?
    I’m with ya…I hate it!!!

  4. serhaex Says:

    Work always sucks, but if we want toys and to go to nice places to escape “Rutsville.” Even if our past decisions don’t always seem to be the best later in our lives, making different choices doesn’t always mean that our lives would be better or different. The cosmos always looks for a way to screw our lives in some manner.

    20 Days to Vegas and sin. Thank the gods.

  5. whistler Says:

    I wish I knew what to say to you. Right now life is hell and it’s about time to kick someone in the head and spit a huge loogey on them.

  6. Wendy Says:

    Every year I wish I could skip January and February and go right to March. This year I am more depressed than usual due to some health issues and looming changes in my life. When I look back 18-19 years ago there are so many things I would have done differently. I know I need change in my life I just need the confidence and the get up and go to do it. January always makes me rethink my life and I’m not sure why. Oh well, here’s to 2006 and may it be a year of positive change for all of us!

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