Starting the New Year Off Right

With a long, offensive rant.

2011 was the year of Suffering in Silence.  I declare 2012 the Year of the Rant!  And this one has been simmering for a good six months.  I may not have any friends left when this is over, but what’s a new year for if not clearing the decks?

My rant has to do with Facebook.  Not that it invades my privacy, blah, blah, whinge, whinge.  No.  If you care that much about the illusion of your privacy, keep yer ass off the internet.  Problem solved.

My issue with Facebook is the lack of fine-tuned content administration.  For one thing, I can’t post long rants like this because space is limited.  But more so, I wouldn’t want to post long rants because Facebook goes out to too wide of an audience of friends and family and someone is bound to be offended.  So tongue-biting and eye-rolling are the law of the land.  On the flip side, I also have very little means to filter what comes in to my news feed.

I pine for the good old days of Usenet.  Where one could join highly-focused groups for every interest, and thus preach one’s rants safely to a choir of one’s choosing.  And where there was a blessed invention called a “killfile.”

Gaze upon this little beauty and despair, you noobs who’ve never used Usenet!

Do you grasp the meaning of this?  Unlike Facebook where you have two choices:  1. see everything a friend posts or 2. see nothing a friend posts, back in the day we could kill posts based on subject keywords!!  Oh the unmitigated joy!

I don’t want to hide everything my friends post (otherwise they wouldn’t be my friends), but I would pay dearly….so dearly….to never have to see Facebook posts on the following subjects ever again:

  • children
  • Ron Paul
  • hockey
  • god

The worst Facebook post I can imagine, I guess, would be a picture of Ron Paul’s children playing hockey.  With the caption, “God bless!”   Bloody hell, I’d rather see your Farmville shit!

People with children who never post anything on FB except pictures of their children.  Hello?!?  What about YOU? Remember you?  I want to know what YOU are doing, feeling, thinking about, etc.  Content-free pictures of your children tell me nothing about you except that your children haven’t died in a fire yet.

Ron Paul.  Libertarianism in general.  Pretty much any kind of political post.  Stop.  It just makes me want to kill you.

Hockey.  Look ok, I’ve been trying to hedge this issue but I confess.  I give up.  I’m not a hockey fan anymore.  I don’t think I ever really was a hockey fan.  It was all an aberration, a mistake, a lapse of my character that I repent and recant and deeply regret.  If you like it, fine, but sweet jeezus, read a book or something for variety!  There’s more to life!!

Speaking of jeezus….don’t.  Stop posting, “Happy St. Whosit’s Day!” as if we are all Christians.  If you have some kind of “relationship” with “God”, respect yourself and others’ beliefs and non-beliefs and keep it between you and “God”, ok?  Because it makes me want to kill you.

Now, I’m well aware that the flipside to this coin is that many of my Facebook friends probably never, ever want to see or hear about Shaun White ever again.  And I respect their right to have bad taste.  :)   But see, if we could have killfiles, then you could kill “shaun white” and I could kill “hockey” and everyone everywhere would be so much happier and not driven to write rants!

But until that day comes, I feel that in the interest of fair play, I must carry on being just as obnoxious about my stupid interest that no one cares about as everyone else is.  We’re all in this together, after all.


2 Responses to “Starting the New Year Off Right”

  1. kristy Says:

    Amen and preach it! A killfile would improve Facebook by about a million percent.

  2. Janet Says:

    I miss usenet, too. Trying to figure out the absolute best way to make a cheesecake? Twenty different websites making twenty different cheesecakes, and probably a virus thrown in for good luck…. I want! Google or somebody has a version of usenet running, but of course it is 99% spam.

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