Regression Therapy Doesn’t Work

Quite the contrary, actually.

Have you ever read this blog and asked yourself, “What the hell is wrong with that crazy bitch?”

Sure, we all have.

Well I’ll show you what’s wrong with me.  THIS.  This right here.

The Fox & The Hound, released in July of 1981 when I was 8 years old.  This shit was my Twilight.  I don’t know how many times I saw this movie.  I may have actually seen it only once, but it burned itself onto my brain so intensely that it seems like I must have watched it dozens of times.  It was the most enthralling (to me), yet utterly heart-stabbing, soul-destroying movie I’d ever seen to that point.  (Star Trek II and III hadn’t been released yet.  Those major traumas were thankfully yet to come.)

I don’t think I’ve viewed F&H since 1981.  But BW bought me the 30th anniversary blu-ray for my birthday.  I don’t know whether to thank him or kick him.  I cannot get all the way through this cartoon!  I cannot!  I’m a freaking basket case!!  My eyes started tearing up in the first minute when the mama fox is running from the hunters with her teeny baby fox kit in her mouth.  And then it’s ok for a while, but gawd, everything about this movie kills me!

If you are not of the 80′s or somehow you missed it, Fox & the Hound is all about a kit and a puppy who become best friends and they just want to play and they love each other like SO MUCH you guys, and it is the cutest, sweetest thing ever.  But cruel society intervenes!  First the evil hunter chains the puppy up so he can’t go play with the fox (I cry at that part), and then he tries to SHOOT THE BABY FOX when the fox tries to see the puppy! (I curl up into a fetal ball at that part.)  Then the hunter takes the puppy and his other dog away for the hunting season.

And then…and then, the puppy comes back all grown into a trained hunting hound and the fox grows up too and becomes kinda hot…

And then the hound tells the fox they shouldn’t be friends anymore! And the hunter chases the fox and the fox accidentally hurts the other, older dog and so the fox gets taken away and ABANDONED by the old lady who was caring for him!  And…and he’s all alone wet and cold in the woods.  (I can’t watch that part.)  But then he meets a fox chick, and that’s ok.  BUT THEN, the hunter and his former best friend hound try to hunt him down and kill him!

And…oh gawd, it was so traumatizing!  And…finally the hound ends up fighting a bear, and…the fox…this wee little fox…jumps in and attacks the huge giant bear to try to save his friend’s life!!  Which he does, but gets seriously wounded and, at last, the hound stands over the injured body of his fox friend and refuses to let the hunter shoot.  But then they part to live their separate lives.  Jesus.  You know I was crying as I typed that?

Shut up, it’s not funny!  I have issues as a result of this.  Some kind of weird, anthropomorphizing psycho-sexual permanent issues, that I believe need to be addressed and compensated.  Who does this cruel stuff to an unsuspecting 8 year old??

So I did a little research and obviously, Walt Disney himself was dead by 1981 the year that

Hey!  I’m trying to explain serious stuff here….

By 1981, Walt Disney was long gone and so was Don Bluth.  One Ron Miller became president of Walt Disney Productions in 1980 and CEO in 1983.  He also had executive producing credit on The Fox and The Hound.

Mr. Miller, you may be retired now but it is well past time that you were held accountable.  Expect a legal document outlining my settlement terms.  I wish I could get this guy to deliver it to you,

but you’ll probably be hearing from his legal counsel one of these days too.

Your fault, Ron Miller.  Your.  Fault.



3 Responses to “Regression Therapy Doesn’t Work”

  1. whistler Says:

    wow.. i learned something new today..

  2. whistler Says:

    so, is there a movie from your childhood that explains the OCD? *runs away*

  3. LOUP Says:

    LK loves F&H. I’ve never been able to sit through it. I start crying and turn it off after a few moments. Same with Bambi. I want to see them make Fox and Hound where some redneck accidentally kills the hunter because he wasn’t wearing orange.

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