A Penguins Primer for Girls, Pt.2

To conclude this piece, I just want to say a little bit about the opposition.  Know they enemy, and all that.

The Winter Classic game will be played against the Washington Capitals.  They may not be Satan himself, but they are surely his henchmen.  The hatred between the Penguins and the Capitals is bitter and abiding.  They only people we hate worse than them are the Philthadelphia Flyers.

In short, the Capitals are a bunch of lazy, whiny, entitled asswipes.   Their coach is a mean, vitriol-spewing little creature who looks like the unholy child of Porky Pig and Elmer Fudd.  No really….

This is our Coach…

The Penguins like their Coach….

The Capitals hate their Coach…

Pictures are worth 1,000 words.

And it’s not just shitty coaching.  The Capitals have a piss-poor attitude.  They’re poor losers and even worse, they’re poor winners! Smug, arrogant, and obnoxious doesn’t begin to cover it.

Now I come to the most important reason why you need to hate the Washington Capitals:  Alexander Ovechkin. #8.

Ovechkin is considered by some (asshats) to be the best hockey player in the biz.  He is on most people’s top 3 lists.  And yes, the guy can score goals.  But that’s all he can do.  There is no depth to his play.  He does not lead, he does not assist, he does not help his team to be a better team.  As a hockey player he is a showboating prima-donna, and that is that.  As a human being, he takes every negative stereotype of sleazy Russian-Mafia Eurotrash and brings them all to vivid life.

The media often poses Ovechkin as the Anti-Crosby.  And for once the media is right!  He is the Darth Vader to our Luke Skywalker.  Sad thing here is that Ovechkin has a lot of fans….and his fans are all rabid Sid detractors.  People (who are stupid) like Ovechkin’s skeezy “bad boy” thing, the same way more people like Wolverine than Superman.  At a Capitals home game, the fans spend more time chanting “CROSBY SUCKS” then they do cheering for the Capitals!

I’m telling you that Ovechkin is not a fraction of the player Sidney is.  And it’s time to fight back.  So if at any time during the Pens vs. Caps game, Sidney Crosby scores a goal, you must do one of two things:

1. Yell “CROSBY SUCKS!”, ironically, accompanied by derisive laughter.

2.  As loud as you can, say:

Now I’m gonna let pictures tell the story again.

Their Superstar

Our Superstar

I rest my case.

One Response to “A Penguins Primer for Girls, Pt.2”

  1. Mrs. Hdawg Says:

    so if you should die under mysterious circumstances, like a vodka OD with Abba on the turntables, we’ll know it’s the skeezy – excuse me – sleazy Russian-Mafia Eurotrash who did it.

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