Vive L’Crack Monkey!

Some of my more optimistic readers have suggested to me that perhaps Crack Monkey has changed and learned to be a good sprog since I haven’t heard much of his screeching all summer.

I just want to lay those thoughts to rest.

This weekend proved that CM is unchanged and remains just as much of a despicable little cretin as ever. Last evening he was outside doing some batting practice. One of his breeders would toss him a baseball from maybe a dozen feet away, and he’d shriek and take a swing. And let me just interject that the kids at the Special Needs Rehab Home are better at baseball than Crack Monkey. When he inevitably missed the ball, he’d shriek in disappointment.

Sunday the Crack House was host to a birthday party for Crack Monkey! Carloads of people turned up and brought gifts for that little bastard! Can you believe it?? Just goes to show how hardwired the whole Family Guilt Agenda is in people. CM expressed his appreciation for the gifts by screaming. Anyway, you know what this means? This means there is a very good chance that Crack Monkey shares a birthday of Aug. 15 with Napoleon! if you think about it, it makes so much sense! Let’s compare Crack Monkey vs. Napoleon Bonaparte:

Both short? Check.
Both ugly? Check.
Both spoiled? Check.
Both prone to tantrums? Check
Both tyrannical little despots? Check
Both completely oblivious that there are other people in the world besides them? Big Check!

I’d lay odds that Napoleon screamed like a freak when he was a sprog, too. I wonder who his neighbor was?

One Response to “Vive L’Crack Monkey!”

  1. whistler Says:

    Let’s hope that Crack Monkey doesn’t try to annex your yard. Viva la resistance.

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