Solstice Synopsis

Here we are, half way through 2008 already! Seemed to me like a good time to give a mid-year status report on Celebrity Crushes.

Click here to revisit how things stood at the end of 2007.

So far 2008 has seen major shakeups. Tragedy, inevitable downfalls, upswings, and new and unexpected players on the field…it’s an exciting time to be a fangirl. Open up the full Spring 08 Crush-O-Graph here.

And now, on to the analysis…time to kick it like Howard Cosell…

Steeltown Shocker: Crosby Takes Lead in Crush Contest!

As you’ll see in the chart, 2008 began the year with Crowe and Bean maintaining their stranglehold on the top spots. Bean slipped a few points because of his really bad 4th wedding, but there were no real challengers on the scene.

Late this spring, Bean regained some ground thanks to the Special Features on the Sharpe’s Challenge DVD which showed him wearing wire-rim glasses while listening to the Sheffield Blades game over the internet. Awww. Now THAT’s our Bean! Meanwhile, the mighty Crowe slipped a bit because in every paparazzi pic of him in the past 4 months he has been wearing shlubby trackpants and sweatshirts! Ugh. A man cannot get by purely on hair, Russ. But don’t sweat it, I’d still shiv Joan Rivers for you, baby.

Flash-forward to hockey playoff time: normally I would not care, but this year, every time I looked up, I saw a face on the tv. A really cute face. With a cute Canadian accent coming out of it. And sexy hair. The face was attached to a professional sports player….but…he didn’t seem to be an asshole! What the hell?! Oh, and he’s Nova Scotian! And the next thing you know, Sidney Crosby comes out of nowhere, he gives some press conferences, he hurtles down the ice, he cutely tries and fails to grow a playoff beard, he breaks through the Crowe-Bean defensive line, he saves the day in Game 3, he bodychecks Crowe! HEEeeeeee SHOOTS AND SCORES to narrowly take the top Celebrity Crush spot!! Wow, what an upset! *whew* Michael, Michael, motorcycle, what a crazy spring this has been.

Rounding out the rest of the Leader Board are Heath and RDJr. Robert Downey Jr. is one of those people who I’ve admired for ages, but he usually flies so under the radar that he’d been filed away at the back of my mind. A subconscious crush, if you will. Well no more of that! 2008 brought RDJ front and center…a place his talent, bone structure, smarts, and ability to prevail over his demons has truly earned him. I love RDJ; he’s like that whip-smart, wiseass, too-hip-for-school guy you’d stalk around the high school halls in the 80s, but older and wiser. Sexiness.

Heath Ledger’s death on 1-22-08 rather sadly increased his Crush standings as I could spend all my time remembering cute, sexy Heath of the past and not having to deal with shabby, junkie Heath of the present. Then starting in early spring, The Dark Knight trailers starting hitting the internets and then the movie screens. Heath’s Joker? I am absolutely loving what I see so far! “You’re just another freak. Like me.” Oh yeah.

Big Movers

The Stanley Cup Shakeup brought more than just Crosby to the spring crushing season; two other hockey guys earned a place in the ranks.

Marc-Andre Fleury. C’mon, you have to love and respect this guy. He looks like a 1980′s sensitive art-school boy from Tiger Beat, and his name means “flowers”, and YET he survives and thrives in a game full of violent, stick-wielding manly-men. He must be far tougher than he looks.

Henrik Zetterberg. Yeah, yeah, I don’t wanna hear the hating. I am an equal-opportunity fan slut. I think in terms of individuals, not teams. And Henrik is one HAWT individual, and damn but he plays some outstanding hockey. He’s a better-looking, Swedish, Jared Leto! Yummy.

But it wasn’t all about hockey. Johnny Depp rallied from his media-overload-induced lowpoint of last year with a stunningly hot appearance at the MTV movie awards! (Doesn’t hurt that there’s been way less Cap’n Jack product placement shoved in my face of late too.) Depp proves once again that he is a long-time player with plenty of game left in him!

Big Losers

Josh Brolin. He snuck up on the chart so fast it was inevitable that he fall off some, I just didn’t expect it to be so quick. All it took was seeing him in his makeup and wardrobe to play Dubya in Oliver Stone’s W movie. I know it’s not your fault Josh, but I just can’t get that image out of my mind. Squicky!

JRM’s hotness took a nosedive thanks to two factors: how boring and extra-crappy season 2 of The Tudors has been, and the sad little facial hair he grew for it. J is too femme for that crap….he needs to stop. If anything, it makes him look even LESS like Henry 8th!

And the Rest

Donal Logue maintained, even with his total lack of visibility. The Dark Knight trailers may have been good for Heath, but they were bad for Gary Oldman…I just hate seeing him in that Commissioner Gordon ‘stache. That’s ok though, Gary is a Lifer on the Crush Charts. Another Lifer, Ewan McGregor, is taking some serious hits because of the utter crap film choices he’s been making lately. Ewan, what gives? Don’t put your Lifer status in jeopardy! Clive Owen still has done nothing to redeem himself from Shoot Em Up.

Leave a Reply