Happy Canada Day to one and all!

I’m off for a few days to State College, PA for my semi-annual Meeting of The Library Bitches.  Let the whingeing begin!!  :P  This one promises to be an special “IN THIS ECONOMY!” edition what with endless crying, hang-wringing, and rending of garments all accompanied by extra-loud pissing and moaning about “ouuuuuuur budgeetttttttttttt wass cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttt!”

Yeah you and everybody else, sissy-pants.  Suck it up and deal.

MEANwhile, please enjoy what I think must be the coolest Michael Jackson-related thing I’ve found on the whole interwebs.  I was searching for a clip of Fred Astaire dancing to share with y’all, because I know MJ would have liked that.  Instead, I found this work of genius in which some totally amazing person took footage from a later, more obscure Fred Astaire movie (Bandstand, with Cyd Cherise) and cut it to “Smooth Criminal.”  The result will kick your ass!

that hit me today…

No matter if you were a pretentious snob, a metal-head, a punk, or whatever other stupid reason you may claim for not being an MJ fan in the 80’s…or if you are a kid who is too young to have known the glory years of Michael and only knew him as a freakshow (those youngsters have my deepest pity, btw)….there is still one overriding reason why everyone should still pay respect to his legacy:

Because without Michael Jackson, there would be no Weird Al Yankovic.

Ponder on that for a while, people.

And of all the celebrities who have been crawling out of the woodwork today issuing “statements” about their feelings, the only one who I really want to hear from, one of the only ones who I really think has valid cause to issue a “statement” about this, is AL.  But he hasn’t yet.  Because you see, the genuine people don’t famewhore and use someone’s death as an excuse to put themselves in front of the media.

I am stunned.  I don’t know why I’m stunned, because we all knew that MJ was going to come to a bad end sooner rather than later, btu I am stunned anyway.

Maybe because Michael was so much larger than life, he didn’t really seem mortal.

I know that most people would be ashamed to cop to it nowadays, but I am and always have been a Michael Jackson fan.  I remember getting Thriller for Christmas one year and it was one of the most exciting presents I ever recall getting; my cousins and I gathered around it with a sense of awe.  It was with the same sense of excitment that we marked down the date and time for the premiere airing of the Thriller video, which promised to be the most epic music video yet made at the time.  And the thing is that MJ promised all this epic shit in the 80’s…and he didn’t disappoint.  He delivered on it.  Everything he did was huge.  Anybody who says that they never liked any MJ songs during the 80’s is a lying sack of shit.

Going back to it in later years, after the hype had died down, you find that it wasn’t empty hype…it wasn’t false, corporate-manufactured hype (Hellllooooooooooo Jonas Brothers, Miley, 90’s boy bands,  etc.)…MJ’s music from the Jackson 5 on all the way through to at least Bad was stunning.  It really was that good.  Pop, but on such another level from everyone else in the biz.  He was such a huge, huge, genuine talent, one of those uniquely gifted people like Fred Astaire (who MJ loved), or Elvis, who is just SO incredibly good at what they do that you know they were placed on this earth soley to entertain.  It’s like a higher calling to them.

And that is why I was never one of those people who started thinking of MJ as a joke, or a punchline to a joke.  To me there was never anything funny about what happened to MJ and the downward spiral of self-loathing and insanity that came upon him.

To me that was, and is, one of the greatest tragedies of our time.  That such a talent, such ethereal  skills, basically lost his mind and ended his life as a witch-hunted grotesque…that is beyond sad.

Because I don’t really think anything MJ may or may not have done to himself or to anyone else is his really fault.  He was a huge superstar from age 10…brought up in a weird family with an abusive father…how could that combination NOT turn anyone into a mental case?  I felt nothing but pity for MJ during all of his trials and tribulations.

And now the closing chapter.  Still unbelievable.

Thank you, Michael, for all the entertainment and magic you shared for that brief time, and everlasting curses on the people who destroyed you.   You were truly one of the greatest to walk this earth.

I feel very badly for not posting about this until now, but between the life-eating hockey and how busy things have been at work, I just couldn’t get around to it.

Way back on May 30, I escorted Cousin R to get her first tattoo! 

Things turned out well in the end, but we had rather a bitch of a time getting the thing. We had the first appointment of the day with Cyco, and I was there, in April, in person, to make that appointment, and I watched over his shoulder as he wrote it down, AND I have witnesses to that effect.

But Cyco never showed up. I expect him to always be late, but after about an hour or so of sitting around, we asked the other shop guys to call him and Mike claimed that he didn’t have any appointments in his book that day. I think he’s just a diva who refuses to get out of bed before 3pm.

So then he claimed that he was gonna hurry up and come in. But Cyco’s idea of hurrying up is like that of continents, and glaciers, and mountain ranges.

After we waited around a bit more, another artist named “Cantu” stepped up and volunteered to take the job. He was a very nice guy, and we were impressed by his portfolio, so we were off. As you can see, he did a great job. I guess if there’s a moral in here anywhere, it’s that the management at Angry Moon is damned particular about the artists they hire, and that you can’t really go wrong with any of them.

Click on Cousin R above for more pics.

OMG, SeanBaby in medieval garb!

Wouldn’t it be nice if Rusty and SeanBaby could appear in the same medieval movie together?  Alas, it is not to be.

Hello!  Everybody rested?  Good.

Now that hockey season is finally over, it’s time to re-establish some priorities around here.

OMG IT’S RUSSELL CROWE IN MEDIEVAL GARB!!!

Aww hell yeah.  I feel more normal already!

I think I’m going to take a bit of a blogging vacation, to rest, and so that we can all just bask in the beauty of this image for days to come.  See you in a few.

We love you Sid.  We love you Coach Taylor.  We love you Dillon Panthers.  We love you Pens.  *sniffle*

87 Forever.  Vive Marc-Andre!

It’s hard to get cohesive thoughts together today.  I feel like I have been on a long (and often grueling) journey with this team.  And that’s why, really, I will be pretty satisfied no matter what the outcome of tonight is.  Because the journey was rewarding.

Let me back up.   This is going to sound crazy, but I really started following the Penguins after I had no more Friday Night Lights to watch.  Not intentionally, but slowly the progress of these young players became a substitute FNL for me.  And amazingly it delivered on almost all the same levels; we had ups, downs, rebirths, conflict, sudden reversals of fortune, cliffhangers, and most of all a cast of “characters” who I grew to know and care about over the course of time.  (And yes, they were hot :)  )  It became to me, in short, a story.  And I love me nothing better than a good story.  That’s what’s kept me glued to this for 6 months and carrying on like a nutjob on this blog.  Not the sports, but the dramatic narrative.

And so that’s why if I do want them to win at all tonight, it’s not because I want it for the city of Pittsburgh (feh!), or because I want to fill some “WHOOO_HOO! YEAH! WE’RE #1!” assholic dick-waving void in myself (*cough* 95% of all sports fans *cough*)  I just want it for them, the players, because they earned it and it would make them happy.

Especially Sidney Crosby, who is really at the core of all this.  I feel that that poor kid has fashioned himself into such a hockey-playing machine since the age of…what? 8?..9? that winning the Cup is probably the one thing in life that would give him true happiness.  And I wants mah boy to be happy.  Also, it would be the one thing that may silence all the nay-sayers who’ve been piling the pressure on his beautiful head for years and years.   All the self-appointed sports experts who’ve sniffed and said, “He’s not that good.”  All the douchebags in the city of Philadelphia with their endless “Crosby Sucks” chant. The sight of Crosby hoisting that big tacky thing above his head would make them all choke on their words.  Best of all, it would shut off some of the harsh self-criticism that The Kid hears in his own head.

So if they don’t win, I’ll be sad for Sid.  But otherwise, I don’t care.  (Unless we lose unfairly.)  Because either way it was such a good story.

Before I forget, THANKS to

sid  marc-andre   jstaal  fed-o-tenko  tk  gill  freecandy  scuds 

cookie  gonch  coachdan  satan

supahstar  sykora  newbie  oldbie  letang  eaton  dupuis  mr&mrsmalkin

geno and any “that guy” I may have forgotten

erry  steigerwald

the puck huffer chicks

the cotton candy guy

the old hockey tourettes slut in raleigh

the fugly fish tattoo redneck babymama

the super chicken nachos at mellon

loupy

whistler

and lil’ sid-andre

For making it such a swell ride!

OMG, JStaal really took the Battle of Maldon to heart, didn’t he?  Atta boy!

On towards Friday!  Huzzah!

Alright, let’s try this again.  Maybe last time we chose the wrong set of verse to study.  This time we’ll pick something that not only is fitting for the circumstances, but it was also one of Professor J.R.R. Tolkien’s very favorite lines of Old English poetry.

Learn Old English Poetry With Jordan Staal, Part 2

The Battle of Maldon, circa 991.  Lines 312-313.

Hige sceal þe heardra,         heorte þe cenre,
mod sceal þe mare,         þe ure mægen lytlað. 

Translation:

Thought must be the harder, heart be the keener,
mind must be the greater, while our strength lessens.

Go Pens?

Damn.

Well, you know the proverb: “Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.”

But there’s really only one man who could make sense out of a turnaround like that.  Only one man who is a solid rock of trust and nobility in the stormy seas of sports uncertainty.

And that man is Coach Eric Taylor.  Speak to us, Coach! 

 Hwaet!  Long time no see!  Much to talk about, trip was good, plenty of other stuff going on but….

How about that Game 4?!?  Finally!  Somebody got rid of the Pod Pens who played games 1&2 and replaced them with the real deals!  And mah boyz…. finally all mah boyz got their asses in gear and got on the boards!  Sid!!!!!  Marc-Andre was playing awesome!

And best of all, Jordan FUCKING Staal got a goal! W00T!  I hope Eric and Marc are having fun mowing the lawn back home on the sod farm, because JORDAN got the game-changing goal in a Stanley Cup Final match!! HAHAHAHAAA! Loosahs!

It makes me so happy when JStaal gets to rock his badass ‘triumphant’ face.  He looks like such a Viking/Saxon raider, come to lay waste to your land with fire and sword.  :)  Why not use it as a learning opportunity?  It is therefore that I present:

Learn Old English Poetry with Jordan Staal

The Battle of Maldon, circa 991AD.  Lines 96-112

Wodon þa wælwulfas         (for wætere ne murnon),
wicinga werod,         west ofer Pantan,
ofer scir wæter         scyldas wegon,
lidmen to lande         linde bæron.

þær ongean gramum         gearowe stodon
Byrhtnoð mid beornum;         he mid bordum het
wyrcan þone wihagan,         and þæt werod healdan
fæste wið feondum.         þa wæs feohte neh,
tir æt getohte.         Wæs seo tid cumen

þæt þær fæge men         feallan sceoldon.
þær wearð hream ahafen,         hremmas wundon,
earn æses georn;         wæs on eorþan cyrm.
Hi leton þa of folman         feolhearde speru,
gegrundene         garas fleogan;

bogan wæron bysige,         bord ord onfeng.
Biter wæs se beaduræs,         beornas feollon
on gehwæðere hand,         hyssas lagon.

Translation:

Slaughter-wolves waded then, heeded not water;
the Viking band, west over Pante,
over bright water, bore their shields;
seamen to land linden bore.
There against anger Byrhtnoth stood ready,
surrounded by warriors. He bade them with shields
build the battle-hedge, hold that troop
fast against foes. Then was the fight near,
glory in battle. The time had come
when fey men must fall there.
Clamor was raised there. Ravens circled,
eagles, eager for carrion. There was uproar on earth.
From hands then they released file-hard spears;
ground spears flew.Bows were busy; shield took spear-point.
Bitter that battle-rush! Warriors fell;
on either hand young men lay.

Oh my.  Oh my, oh my.  Tonight it shall begin.

Our loveable boys will march alone into the most evil, wretched city on Earth to face again their most dreaded adversaries.  Will they break like last year, or has that experience tempered and honed them like a fine steel blade?

Speaking of which…

If I could say one thing to Sidney Crosby right now, I’d tell him to enjoy this time, and I’d share with him this wisdom that I took in at a young age and that I think he needs to embrace:

DO IT.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Ok, you know I couldn’t let this go without one final Staal Wars.

Cue it up, maestro.  *sniffle* Gosh, I’m all weepy….so proud of all you boys…

That’s what I’m sending to all the librarians that I have to work with this week!
Maybe not exactly, but I am on vacation as of now.

Thanks to “THIS ECONOMY!!” my co-worker and I are not getting raises this year, even though our organization is completely fiscally solvent.   But most of the libraries who belong to our organization are having cuts and freezes, and the executive mindset of our board seems to be that if they have to suffer, then we all have to suffer in some sort of pointless solidarity. Hoorah.  We’re all in this together.  Like, Buy War Bonds or something. *eye roll*

Anyway, to make up for it, Idiot Boss said that we could all take extra time off this year.  So after the Hell Month (or Hell Three Weeks) that I just had, I jumped all over that!  :)  I’m off all week and this Sunday BW and I leave for 3 days in Toronto, just because we feel a tad homesickish.   W00t!

So you probably won’t see me around much, unless I’m inspired to post by some Pens amazingness or something.  Obviously, I sort of burned out on the Staal Wars thing.  Sorry.  This series really isn’t generating enough drama to fuel all those hours of Photoshop labor. 

BUT, I will leave you with this.  Our Sidney was one of Hello (think: Canadian People) mag’s 50 Most Beautiful Canadians this year.  (Can’t we just get him set up with that title in perpetuity??)  Here’s his official Beautiful portrait.  GO SID..um..PENS!

Breaking news!

Red Storm fleet is retreating back to their space station Red Base Central!  The Rebels have made the tactical decision to pursue the enemy into their own territory.  Today, the Rebel starfighters and troop vessels are being prepared for the voyage to RBC.

Elsewhere, General Bylsma prepares the squadrons for the assault.

Doofusfilms Ltd. presents….

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Seems like forever until Episode II comes out, doesn’t it?

Meantime, here are some of the dastardly villains of the Red Storm army.  Poor Eric Staalwalker has really fallen in with the wrong crowd!

Admiral of the Red Storm advance fleet.  Recently re-promoted to the rank after being demoted to KP duty. Rumour has it that his sister is married to the Emporer’s grand-nephew.

Darth Ward, member of the vile Dark Stanli sect.  His evil powers may be the Red Storm’s only means to defeat Sid Icespeeder!  Dangerous, this one is…

This little Ruu2-D4 unit may look harmless, but many of the Red Storm’s plans for Complete Domination of the Universe are locked away in his memory banks.

The Staal Wars(tm) universe is filled with unforgettable characters!  While we wait for the next episode, let’s meet some of Jordan Staalwalker’s friends in the Rebel Alliance.  They’re a motley bunch, but they all believe in the fight for justice and peace.  Doubtless their faces will soon be adorning lunchboxes, toothbrushes, Underoos, toaster pastries, and Pez dispensers across the galaxy.  Which one will become your favorite??

Sid Icespeeder

Young Sid is also new to the Rebel army.  Hailing from a mysterious ice planet in the far north quadrant, he is gifted with the supernatural and mystic abilities of the Stanli Knights.

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